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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and key events, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college to use the facilities during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|